Dear Miss Manners . . .

Every so often, I take a peak at the “Dear Miss Manners” column in the newspaper or the etiquette letters in a ladies magazine (Real Simple is my current favorite.) I’m glad I don’t read them regularly because I would be overwhelmed by this sense that the world has totally forgotten how to give and show respect for each other.

While we can turn to someone like Miss Manners for personal and relationship etiquette, where do most people turn for professional advice?

At appears that codes of ethics are making a comeback with more and more professional associations investing time and energy in creating or revising their codes to reflect the realities of the current market and climate.

While codes of ethics are formal and largely have punitive actions attached to violations of them, there is also a basic, human “code” of interaction that I believe most people want to live and work by.

We often borrow these more informal “codes” from other places–“do unto others . . .”–and truly believe that they are so ingrained in our psyche that we don’t need to talk about them or highlight them because, “Well, everyone knows that!”

The events of the last few months especially the violence in Charlottesville and Las Vegas are a stark reminder that some lessons need to be repeated over and over and over and over . . .

A few years ago, I was in a Lenten reflection group and we were discussing Eucharist. One of the group members made a comments about how unfortunate it was that people in our parish weren’t taught more about the Eucharist.

As the “uh-huh’s” and “that’s so true’s” piled on, I had to butt in. “That’s interesting,” I said. “If I understand correctly, we teach Eucharist to the pre-K children, in second grade, in fifth grade, in seventh or eighth grade, and in high school–twice–and then we have opportunities for adults like this to explore more.” (Note: I have taught most of these grades and been the teacher for this content, so I was able to speak out from experience, not just knowledge.)

If we have to teach and teach again one of the most central beliefs of our Church this many times, why do we think we can stop teaching and learning and practicing basic rules of professional conduct?

Clearly, “Love one another as I have loved you” or “Love your enemies” were not on display in these locales. Clearly, we have forgotten some of the most foundational rules we have learned.

So, eliminate the first 5 that come to mind. Those are the obvious ones. What is number 6 or 7 or 10 or 15? What rules or codes or manners do you think we need to teach, learn, and practice to improve our ministry?

Send your answer in a comment. Let’s see what kind of list we can come up with.

 

 

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