Tag Archives: negotiation

How Firmly Rooted Are Your Feet? (Rule #8)

yogaIf you have trouble with resolving conflict, this is the rule for you.

One of the things that I love about practicing yoga is what the focus is–practice.

I find balancing poses–tree pose, dancer’s pose, Warrior III–to be very challenging. When I first started yoga, I thought the focus was supposed to be on doing the position perfectly, and it started with the feet. I learned–after many unattractive, acrobatic flourishes–that it has nothing to do with the position, and everything to do with core.

Rule #8, focus on interests, not positions. In yoga, the focus is on the core, those all-important muscles that keep everything else in alignment, not the position. I’ve found this to be true in groups, relationships, and pretty much every other aspect of work and life.

When we focus on the position, we become adversarial. In tree pose, I used to get mad at my arms because they were fighting what my legs and the rest of me wanted to do. In relationships, we get rooted to a spot, and often there is no bridge to a place where we can join minds, hearts, and heads.

When we focus on interests, the starting point is very different. I read many years ago that the best negotiators started conversations with the simplest of decisions–where and when to meet, how many people would be invited, what language would be used. The best of the best knew that each of these little decisions created a base upon which more challenging interests could be addressed, and ultimately the questions that were at the core of the positions the parties held could be answered.

I think about really big international conflicts that have been addressed in my lifetime–the peace settlement in the Mid-East (not permanent, but it was a step), detente and ultimately the breaking down of the walls between East and West, the opening of dialogue with China. Each of these negotiations started with questions like, “Where do we meet? Who should we invite? What are the rules for dialogue?” And which smaller partners were these negotiations tested with, practiced on?

When faced with conflict, how tightly do you hold onto your position? Think of the most recent experience you had, at the heart of it, what were you interested in accomplishing? What was the other person interested in accomplishing? Where did your interests potentially overlap? And how could you go from there?

Thwack! (Rule #6)

doorThat’s the sound of the door closing your mind when faced with someone who disagrees with you.

Here’s the key. At least don’t lock the proverbial door.

When we let ourselves maintain a closed mind, we fall into the “we’ve always done it this way” trap. And that trap is particularly dangerous in our amazingly fast changing world and culture.

A few ways to keep yourself open to different perspectives.

  • Surround yourself with people who approach problems and situations differently than you do. It’s the “Abraham Lincoln” approach–keep your friends close, but keep your enemies closer (replace “enemies” with anything that refers to people who see the world differently.)
  • Keep a journal where you start with your perspective, and breakdown why others around you are taking a different approach. This approach encourages sympathy which can help breach the gap between differences.
  • Ask yourself what are the potential positive outcomes of a differing perspective.

If you have other ideas, please share them. Staying open takes energy, and it’s a lot easier when we are surrounded by others who are doing the same.

Innovation and Faith

ChurchInnovation is the beating red blood of the American ecosystem. Think about it. In your lifetime, what radical changes have you seen in business and the economy?

The unparalleled success of Apple, first with its user-friendly operating system (true confession: I am a total Windows geek from the days of DOS and the introduction of the personal computer back in 1985) to its i-“anything” devices. Microsoft with Windows and its almost complete hold on the business market. Music moving from vinyl to tape to disc, and back to vinyl even! Electric cars, Airbnb, Uber . . .

Where have you seen innovation in the Church, your parish, your own faith life?

While Vatican II ushered in many changes, many would say that they were not “innovations” because the foundations upon which they were built existed in Scripture and Tradition.

So, where has, does, and can innovation take place? And what is your role as a leader?

One of my fav sources, Harvard Business Review, has a quote in this month’s issue:

The role of leaders is to enable diverse team members to grasp one another’s perspectives and productively share their insights.

Think about the teams that you have assembled. How have you affirmed the diversity of insights and found ways to help them share them?

We’ve probably all sat in too many parish committee meetings, watching ineffective leaders negotiate the battles between different viewpoints, only to see a worthwhile agenda slide into a black hole, never to be retrieved.

My other favorite “wise” source (Real Simple!) gave me a few ideas.

  1. Turn the polar opposite ideas into a brainstorming session. Remember, these are only 2 ideas. Don’t let your team or committee members’ comments become positions that they need to defend. These are only their perspectives, the ideas that they have an interest in, but they aren’t the be-all and end-all.
  2. Repeat what each committee member has said, then ask each to clarify. Then go back to the subject at hand or to another subject, especially if it is clear that you aren’t going to be able to resolve any differences.
  3. Pause. No! Don’t say anything. Let those who were talking know they were heard, and wait. If silence prevails, continue or go forward.

In the end, you want well-managed and negotiated diversity or you may never break out of the patterns that have led you to the present. If you want to change for the future, then change has to start in the present.