Tag Archives: violence

Dear Miss Manners . . .

Every so often, I take a peak at the “Dear Miss Manners” column in the newspaper or the etiquette letters in a ladies magazine (Real Simple is my current favorite.) I’m glad I don’t read them regularly because I would be overwhelmed by this sense that the world has totally forgotten how to give and show respect for each other.

While we can turn to someone like Miss Manners for personal and relationship etiquette, where do most people turn for professional advice?

At appears that codes of ethics are making a comeback with more and more professional associations investing time and energy in creating or revising their codes to reflect the realities of the current market and climate.

While codes of ethics are formal and largely have punitive actions attached to violations of them, there is also a basic, human “code” of interaction that I believe most people want to live and work by.

We often borrow these more informal “codes” from other places–“do unto others . . .”–and truly believe that they are so ingrained in our psyche that we don’t need to talk about them or highlight them because, “Well, everyone knows that!”

The events of the last few months especially the violence in Charlottesville and Las Vegas are a stark reminder that some lessons need to be repeated over and over and over and over . . .

A few years ago, I was in a Lenten reflection group and we were discussing Eucharist. One of the group members made a comments about how unfortunate it was that people in our parish weren’t taught more about the Eucharist.

As the “uh-huh’s” and “that’s so true’s” piled on, I had to butt in. “That’s interesting,” I said. “If I understand correctly, we teach Eucharist to the pre-K children, in second grade, in fifth grade, in seventh or eighth grade, and in high school–twice–and then we have opportunities for adults like this to explore more.” (Note: I have taught most of these grades and been the teacher for this content, so I was able to speak out from experience, not just knowledge.)

If we have to teach and teach again one of the most central beliefs of our Church this many times, why do we think we can stop teaching and learning and practicing basic rules of professional conduct?

Clearly, “Love one another as I have loved you” or “Love your enemies” were not on display in these locales. Clearly, we have forgotten some of the most foundational rules we have learned.

So, eliminate the first 5 that come to mind. Those are the obvious ones. What is number 6 or 7 or 10 or 15? What rules or codes or manners do you think we need to teach, learn, and practice to improve our ministry?

Send your answer in a comment. Let’s see what kind of list we can come up with.

 

 

Being Witnesses to Civility

Two somewhat bizarre observations spoke to me about the type of leaders and witnesses we are called to be.

Observation #1: CivilityThe numerous green, magnetic bumper stickers saying, “Choose Civility” on the cars scattered throughout my home county.

Observation #2: The traveler alert from the Bahamas, warning its citizens about the dangers of traveling to the United States.

So, here’s the line that connects the two for me. We in the U.S. are seen by many in other parts of the world as a nation of compassion, peace, and civility. A place where people can openly voice their disagreements and not be thrown into jail or killed. A place where we can practice freely four different faiths on the four different street corners of a city intersection anywhere in the country. A place of welcome and respect for our diversity.

But more than anything, we are–or have been–a model for civil behavior. And I fear that that is changing.

Rather than “using our words” (as some teach their children), we use our fists (or guns, in some cases.) Rather than channeling our anger into non-violent protests as Dr. King called us to over 50 years ago, we choose violence.

Maybe that is why when the families of the Amish children who were gunned down in their one-room Pennsylvania school in 2006 forgave the shooter, it seemed to be extraordinary. When it shouldn’t have.

In a civil society, we as leaders must practice one of the most difficult behaviors we know–that of forgiveness. It’s hard to miss how many times Jesus forgives people throughout his ministry. It’s central to who He is and who He calls us to be.

In fact, it is the only Way.

 

To What Values Are We Witnesses?

crossI woke today to the news about the shooting in Dallas, TX, of police officers and the peaceful protest that took place there last evening.

There were two competing narratives seeking to outdo the other.

The first was all about the shooting. The Dallas chief of police shared details of the conversation that the negotiator had had with the shooter, noting that the shooter wanted to kill white men, especially police officers. Anger, vengeance, helplessness — all of these clearly brewing in this man’s mind.

Where else have we heard and seen these emotions and the values that underlie them recently? I’ve heard a lot about anger and vengeance, and have seen the helplessness that some feel in our communities across the country. It’s hard to miss. And it’s equally hard to miss how our leaders are addressing it.

The second narrative caught my ear — and it won’t get the kind of airplay that the first one will, especially today.

One of the news networks interviewed the leader of the peaceful protest. He talked about how deeply they valued the peacefulness of their protest, and how closely they had worked with the Dallas police to ensure that this was the case.

The protest leader talked about the initial moments of the shooting when the group heard the rapid “click click click” of bullets. He realized that he was holding a 10 foot cross in his hands, and yelled at the people around him to follow the cross to safety.

What does it mean to follow the Cross of Christ? To what values are we to be witnesses? The protest leader answered the question easily — and repeated Jesus’ own words, “Love your neighbor.”

So, what values to do we want to see in our leaders, and what values do we want to embody in ourselves as leaders?